It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
