His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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