I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
