I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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