I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Send help, water and tortillas.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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