yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
