I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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