we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize