Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
