around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
