You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
