It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I think your dad took our porno
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
