dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
