i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
In other news, I just burned my penis
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize