I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
