I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
