I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
