neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The air was thick with penises
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
