I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
