Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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