i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
