Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize