Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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