Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I have feelings that need drinking.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize