why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
me + whiskey = a bad person
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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