He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
