i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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