just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
