Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
