Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
