Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize