Nicole vs. Life
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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