3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize