we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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