I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
