I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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