sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
