Nicole vs. Life
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Sorry about my life...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
