i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
