i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
