these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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