do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
