You're a womanizer and a bitch.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
