My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
