Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize