You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
