I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
i need some magic done to my vagina
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
