just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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