You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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