My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
