Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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