I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
