pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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