dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize