i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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