only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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