I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
