You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
