Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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