Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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