I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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