This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Two words: blizzard sex
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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