He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
