You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
