Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
