my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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