god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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