i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
