I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
