It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
