Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
