On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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