I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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