ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
