Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
