Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
